Last Monday around midnight I found out some news that floored me and left me at a loss. I had no words, no emotions because I had no idea what I was supposed to feel. The news- I will not be able to go to Korea until at least Feb. I have been planning for and dreaming about returning to Korea since last summer. I couldnt wait to get back to the people who have stole my heart. I want to tell the sweet people about the love of Christ and eat kimchi and rice for every meal for a whole year. I was so ready! I found out in Feb of this year that the IMB had accepted my application and that I would be going. I was soooo excited!!! I seriously screamed when I found out! I have been buying supplies, learning the language, and saving money. I have told pretty much everybody, even my students from last summer. Now... What am I supposed to do? I dont know the answer to that.... BUT I do know that I serve a God that is muuch bigger than me and that already has everything mapped out. He's got my future in His hands... The hands that will guide me and protect me. And I trust in that fact. Here's the big lesson that I am learning about myself... I am SOO ready to get out of this country! I want out now.... buut am I willing to stay if thats what God wills? Am I willing to put aside my feelings and desires and only run after the things that God has for me? I want to say YES! but I also know how hard it is to do that. I want to be totally surrendered to Him... and do as He says. I am trying to be obedient... with my whole life. I don't know where He's going to take me... but I want to be willing... To Korea, Texas for seminary, a little school in the backwoods of TN, South America, Africa, Europe or the Middle East... I want to go with God because thats the only way to live this life. I think Im ready... and I think Im willing. We shall see where He leads :]
July 31st---
What an intense season of change this has been! I feel like the last 4 months have been piled full of change after change after change, but God has remained constant and I have tried to cling to Him. God laughs at me a lot I think. He laughed when I said I was going to Korea for a year. He laughed when I said I was going to seminary this semester. He laughed when I said I was going to teach in Tennessee and save money. He laughs when I get a flat tire on the way to a really strange interview, when i wash my camera in the washing machine, when I am just being me. He's not laughing at me in a mean way. He is laughing at me in the same way that I giggle about everything. Its our friendship. I am thankful that He has never left me alone with tears. He keeps me going. Keeps me laughing at everything. For those of you who havent been able to keep up with my many, many, many changes in the last 4 months, here is the short version. I was planning to got to Korea and teach. God said no and closed that door. I was planning to go to seminary at Southwestern in Fort Worth, Texas. God said no and closed that door. I was planning on working in Brentwood with a program that God has used to change my life. God said no and closed that door. I was planning to find a teaching job in Tennessee and work and save money so that I could go to seminary later without going into debt. God said no and closed that door. THEN God put Lake Tahoe, California on my heart. I have thought about it. Prayed about it. Learned more about it. Yesterday (after having a flat tire in Nashville, while on my way to an interview with an inner-city school) I had a chat with Debbie,the lady that is the missionary there, and I could not stop laughing and smiling! She sounds wonderful. The mission sounds wonderful. The work sounds hard, but what does that matter? She said that we should both keep praying and that she would get back to me soon. As I drove home, all I could say was "God open and close doors. God show me Your way." A few hours later I was invited to Lake Tahoe for the semester! I was overcome with joy!! I have been praying for God to open and close doors. I will do anything and go anywhere as long as He will show me His way. Yesterday He threw the doors wide open!!! I will leave August 14th and return to Tennessee on December 18th. I get to teach young children about the love of Christ. I get to work hard and learn a lot. I am so beyond excited! I think I am able to have this much joy because I know for a fact that this is not of me! I wanted Korea, Texas, and a cute little classroom in Tennessee. God wants me in California. I am going to California. I could never say "thank you" enough for all of the prayers and support many of you have given me during this season of change. I have been blessed with people that are always there to pray with me, encourage me, and laugh with me at all of my crazy adventures and plans. I have learned to not tell God where I am going, but to just sit back and watch as He works. He's got it all in His capable and loving hands. I can be at peace no matter what is going on in my life because He loves me and only wants the best for me. What a savior and friend! :) "Show me Your ways,O Lord, teach me Your paths; guide me in Your truth and teach me, for You are God my Savior, my hope is in You all day long." Psalm 25:4-5
Today---
I leave tomorrow morning for Lake Tahoe!!! I really feel like (please insert the hand motions for this saying if you know what I'm talking about :]) God has really changed me throughout the course of this last year. I love Korea but I have learned to love ALL of God's people. I love "going on missions" but I have learned to be on missions at ALL times. I love being in control, but I have learned to quit pretending that I am capable of being in control of my life and just let God take over everything. I have learned to love, serve, and surrender. I have a whole lot more to learn in this life, but I am thankful that the ONE who created me is holding my right hand. He never lets me go! Praise God!
It has been a very tough summer with so many young people dying. As of today I know of three 19 yr olds, a 3 year old, and a 25 year old that have passed on in the last two months. It breaks my heart and it hurts, but it has given me a new sense of urgency to tell everyone about my Savior. People of all ages die each and everyday and so many enter into an eternity in Hell! I want to stand in their way. I want to stand in the gap. I can not save them, but I know the ONE who can!
I will try my best to keep this blog updated in the next few months! I started this blog as a way to journal some thoughts, as well as a place to update people about Korea. Changes have happened of course, but it is still a beautiful reminder that God is in control!
As always, I appreciate your love, prayers, and support!
My new snail mail address:
Laura Sewell
PO Box 7433
Tahoe City, CA 96145
Ps- I never proof my blogs so please ignore my many, many mistakes! :)
By the way, I urge you to try to get your hands on a copy of Pagan Christianity, Forgotten God, Radical, and Live Life on Purpose. Those books have really rocked my world this summer, and God continues to use them to challenge the way that I am living here on Earth.
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